Ren and Rosemary’s Twilight Live Blogging

May 21, 2010 by

Renee and her daughter Rosemary decided to sit down one day and indulge in the cultural revolution that is Twilight.  Here is their ‘live blog’ of this special mother-daughter event.  And of course, this was done earlier, but the silly publisher was taking his time, and got this out late.

So anyway here’s the dibs, in true Irene Wilde fashion.

~~~

twilight2

April 25, 2010

Hello babblers!  And Welcome to the Wilde Family’s Live Blog of “Twilight.”  Think of it as MST3K with Miss Rosemary as Cro and yours truly as the dependable Tom Servo.  To play along, simply pop in the old DVD or download online, of your very own, hopefully rented, copy of “Twilight” and follow along with us as we enlighten you with our take on the film, based on the ubiquitous Stephanie Meier series of novels chronicling the story of a little wooden vampire who one day wants to be a real boy, but meanwhile, he’s looking for love in all the wrong flavors.

R = Rosemary
M = Mommy (that’s Irene Wilde to most of you)

R:  My God, even the previews suck.

M:  We are live blogging our viewing of “Twilight” for book babble.  We watch Lame, so you don’t have to.

R:  It’s AstroBoy!

M:  Supernatural teenagers in American Apparel = Push  Ooh!  Angsty!

R:  Oh God it’s starting.  There.  It’s on.

M:  So we’ve got deer scampering through the woods. 

R:  There’s a dude right there, apparently made of wood.

R:  Music would probably be better if it wasn’t sung by whiney boys.  You got the title for like five seconds.  She doesn’t look very happy.  The dad doesn’t look very happy.  Nobody looks very happy.  Way to state the obvious.  And she still has that random cactus.

M:  Very pale.  Sure she isn’t already a vampire?

R:  She’s a total emo girl.

M:  Ooh mysterious native Americans.

R:  OMG!

M:  A beat to shit pick-up truck.  Just what every teenage girl wants.

R:  Does she even have a license?

M:  We’ve got to think she does if she has a cop dad.

R:  I have a kid in my school named Eric who looks just like that but not as pale.  What’s wrong with his cheeks?  It’s like he’s got nuts shoved up there.

M:  Everybody’s pale.

R:  She whacks him upside the head and he gets all lovely dovey about it.  Total Mary Sue.
All the guys love her.  That’s the total trait of Mary Sue. 

M:  Ok, so now we’ve got goth kids.  No not Goths.  Only half are Goths. 

R:  He’s just a block of wood.  You can see the eyeliner, my God.  Of course she cares.
They’re all using their “I’m looking right out you” powers.

M:  Did she wear deodorant this morning?

R:  He’s still staring.

M:  Oh!  He’s moody and storms out.

R:  And now she stalks him.

M:  This town looks very Twin Peaks.

R:  She’s angry, yet everyone seems to like her.  DOES NOT COMPUTE.

M:  Extraneous voice over.

R:  If he’s gone that’s great.

M:  But what happens to the whole series if he never comes back?

R:  Is that kung-fu?

M:  I don’t know.  Do vampires use kung-fu?

R:  Well, if they sparkle who knows what else they do?

R:  The block of wood is back!

M:  It speaks.

R:  Even his voice sounds like wood.

M:  Everybody’s voice sounds like wood.

M:  This like The Archies, on downers.

R:  Now if this were Lucky Star, I’d been enjoying this. And it’s amazing that the teacher isn’t yelling at them for talking.  I know mine would.

R:  Don’t lie.  You’re unhappy with everything.

M:  He’s storming out again.

R:  I get the feeling he’s going to do that a lot.

R:  Super Powers!  I’m gonna get all up in your face now.  What the hell is with the music?  Seriously?  Sounds like she’s going on a trip.

M:  The doctor looks as young as the students, who look 27.

R:  Even the doctor is pale!

R:  Oh come on, he’s trying to apologize.  The Wood is The Flash!  They’re making an awful big deal out of nothing.  She didn’t even lose consciousness.   What you lookin’ at?  I think the doctor now has an excuse.  He’s with The Wood Family.

M:  Ooh, he’s gaslighting her.  Sounds like early verbal abuse.

R:  Oh gee, way to go Edward.

M:  Shouldn’t he be Edwood?

R:  It teleports.  I can’t help but notice she makes rather exaggerated breathing motions.
R:  Sayyessayyessayyes.  Oh jeez, we could have ended this movie so soon.

M:  They must go to the Magic School Bus High School.

R:  What a blatant lie!  She tripped on nothing again.  Yes, you shouldn’t (be friends); the movie will be over sooner.  So what?  You want to die now?

M:  This thing moves pretty slowly.
R:  Yeah.  But you know, if they are gonna reach the two-hour mark…I bet the book’s even worse about this stuff.

M:  Eric is giving off a total gaysian vibe.

M:  Edwood reminds me of Leo Johnson from Twin Peaks.  That’s probably not good.

R:  Who’s Leo Johnson?

M:  He was the evil, drug-pushing, wife-beating, scumbucket.

R:  *laughs*

R:  I think I know what team I’m on.  Team Eric!

M:  Sounds good.

M:  Are we getting some plot development?

R:  Scary stories.  Is this gonna turn into a horror movie?  Oh!  Foreshadowing!

M:  I think we’re getting exposition.

R:  He knows more than he’s telling us.  The sequel!

M:  You can’t really be Team Minion in this movie,’ cause the minions all seem to die quickly.

M:  Oh noes!  It’s Courtney Love!

R:  What?  No scream of pain and terror?  It seems that she just JFGI’d!

M:  36 minutes in…has anything happened? 

R:  She talked about some stuff and she wrote a note.  And the lighting’s gotten….light!

M:  There was the car accident.

R:  Oh her opinion is just going to be all black.  They say they want her opinion, but she doesn’t seem to say anything.

R:  Bella just wants it all to be black and moody.

M:  Stalker perspective.

R:  Stalker-o-vision!  They are following her.

M:  Lumberjack thugs!

R:  Did she just kick him in the nuts?  He’s using his “stare right at you” powers.

R:  Everyone has terrible conversation skills.

R:  Cat is nudging my Sno-caps.  They’re going “Umeniko,” (Sound novel – JFGI)  spending five minutes agreeing on something.

R:  And I think Edwood is a Gary Sue.  Since all the girls seem to like him.

M:  He’s a stalker!!!!

R:  He’s a stalking piece of wood.  Yes, because I’m a stalking piece of wood.  What a blatant l
ie!

R:  Because she isn’t thinking!  Yes, there’s something wrong with her.

M;  Angsty look. 

R:  Long awkward pause.  Potential romantic moment. 

M;  Cheese it!  It’s the cops!

M:  It’s Doogie Howser, Vampire M.D.

R:  Wait someone died.  Did the Dad die?

M:  No, the guy from the boathouse.

R:  Anything gonna happen?  You already found it!

(47 minutes in now)

M:  She’s googling again.  I wonder if Google paid for product placement?

R:  Oh god, that thing’s ugly.

RL  Ew!  Undead, speed, strength, wood!  Immortal!  Drank Blood, Vampire!  That was a freaky dream with Google.  I have no idea what’s happening right now.   All I know is that she knows and I think he knows that she knows.  She’s walking up to him .  Really slowly.  She passed him.

M:  And he looks Angsty

R:  Duh, these are the emo people.  They are no match for Shinji (Character from Neon Genesis Evangelion – JFGI).  They’re going to the woods…are we going to get spark-pire.

R:  Zoom.

M:  No, that’s more of a rotation cam.

R:  I was saying zoom because of the speed of the rotation…You’re, you’re, you’re ….a Pixie!

M:  Now he’s physically dragging her.

RL:  We’re gonna git it! 

R:  And….*Lolz and lolz and lolz*

M:  Ooh! Shiny!

R:  *Lolz and lolz and lolz*

R:  It’s necessary, ok?  I bet a cheetah could top you…or better yet, a zombie!

M:  This looks like intimidation.  And she doesn’t care ‘cause she loves him.  Her love can heal him.  He’s like Ladd Russo from Boccano! (JFGI)

R:  Only angstier….THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE!

R:  Now she’s getting all up in his face.   But I’m still not thinking anything.

M:  Why does she even like him?  They have no chemistry.

R:  Because Plot says so.  Is he touching her boobs?

M:  Is he?

R:  It most certainly looked like it in that shot.

M:  Now they are moving in slow motion.

R:  Nap time now kids. 

M:  It’s just like “From Here to Eternity” — Not!

R:  Is he?  Yes he is!

M;  He’s sparkling.

R:  That’s just going to bring hilarity every time.  I just know it.

M;  More voice over.

M:  Irrevocably?

R;  Is that even a word?

M:  Yeah that’s a word that millions of beaten women have repeated before her.

R:  Too bad, you are (a monster).

R:  The other vampires hate us ‘cause we’re emo!

R:  They’ll all love you.  You’re a Mary Sue.

R:  Way to go Edwood, way to go!  Oooh!  Evil Eye!

M:  More pick-up trucks? 

R:  I thought that wasn’t supposed to come in until the second book.

M:  Is this more stalker vision?

R:  No, can’t be: stalker’s over there.

R:  No, but I expected it to be emo.

M:  Opera, of course.  

R:  They would all nom her, because she has flavor.

M:  So this is “Guess Who’s Coming to dinner?”

M:  These people are soooooo boring.

M:  And now, the classical music, to prove how smart and cultured they are.

R:  Oh!  I think we’re gonna get a dance number….and….Yes we are.

M:  Houston, we have Dance!

R:  And now he climbs a tree.

M:  It’s “Crouching Vampire, Hidden Boredom.”

One hour – 10 minutes in and…

R:  Oh man, I hope I’m going to have time to wash out the vampires before bed.  Wait!  They’re trying to dance on the tree…

M:  And he plays piano, just like Dr. House!

R:  And Soul (character from “Soul Eater” – do I even have to say it?) plays piano, too.  Oh!  I can’t believe I compared the cool guy to Edwood.  I feel awful now.  I’ll have to shrivel up in a corner!

Time out for a cigarette so I can stay awake for the second thrilling half….

M:  I swear that’s the Double R from Twin Peaks.

R:  Oh that was some kind of football touchdown dance.

M:  More stalking.

R:  What a pathetic excuse…

M:  For stalker behavior.

R:  Don’t do it… don’t do it….don’t freakin’ do it.  DO NO WANT.  Get it over with…there finally… (smoochy kiss)

R:  Way to go Edwood, and I mean that seriously (the denial of teenage sex bit)

R:  Now they start talking about boring things, since we’ve all heard their boring conversations.

R:  Camera can’t decide what it wants to do.

M:  Ooh, omnious rumble of thunder.

R:  Dad’s cleaning his gun.

M:  So is that more foreshadowing, with the gun bit?  There are beer cans in the foreground.  Message = guns + alcohol = responsible parenting!

R:  = Kill the Vampire!

R:  They’re gonna play water baseball?

M:  More All-American Family of the Undead.

R:  I get the feeling she’s going to be a bitch.

M:  Why do all vampire guys wear lipstick?

M:  And they really like fondling their bats.

R:  If I didn’t know matter, I’d say this was “Matrix.”

R:  I think it’s the bad guys.  Run away!

R:  Duh-duh-dum!

M:  It’s Courtney Love, Lenny Kravitz and Eddie Vedder!

M:  The Undead exclusively use UltraLash by Maybelline.

M:  Eddie Vedder looks suspicious.

M:  Cue the West Side Story Music.   It’s a rumble!

R:  *Goes into Jets snaps* “Pixies!”

R:  The plot thickens, like Edwood’s eyelashes.

M:  The path of young love is never smooth, even for the undead.

R:  Especially for the undead.

R:  Uh-oh.

M:  Eddie Vedder channels Princess Cold Stare (Old-School Gawker ref – again, JFGI).

R;  Bella, there’s no need to be rash right now.  But I don’t care about you.  I only care about myself.
Way to go, Bella, just way to go.  Leave your poor father heartbroken.

M:  Edwood’s stalking again.

R:  They’re acting awfully calm about all this.  Look! It’s normal people.  Hi normal people.

M:  The Undead go A-Team!

R:  There’s no reason to be a bitch Rosalie.

R:  He growls.  Oh boy!

R:  I get the feeling I’m gonna like frizzy-haired girl.  Her hair reminds me of Ennis (Another character from Baccano!)

R:  Does he have to be so obviously evil?  Why not just carry a sign?

M:  More voice over.

M:  Is pepper spray effective against the spawn of the damned? 

R:  Cows kill them…Don’t follow it, I’ve seen that trick before.

R:  Kick him in the nuts!  Do it now!  I’d do it!

M:  See?  The pepper spray was a bad idea.

R:  That’s why I said kick him in the nuts!  Run away you idiot!

R:  If it weren’t for all these weird slo-mo shorts, this could be quite a good action scene.  Quit abusing the slow motion.  Don’t eat it — She tastes like chicken!

M:  He finally bit somebody!

R:  Woo-hoo!

R:  Get the marshmallows, then suck the ven
om. 

M:  LSD flashbacks.

R:  It never snowed once in this film.  So she died…no…what…huh?

M:  She’s back.

R:  Aww, dang it!

R:  OMG they are watching “Twilight” on “Twilight,” but then they get to this scene and…ooooo..brain lock.

R:  He looks painted.

M:  He looks green.

R:  they must be using fluorescent lights.

M:  More dad beer.

R:  Must you drink beer in the presence of minors?

R:  Why is she going to a prom if she can’t dance?  DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!

R:  And even the cast is dark.

R:  Everything about her is dark and emo.

M:  Sequel set up.

R:  Of course.

R:  Doo-Doo-doo-doo dat-da-dat-da-dat- da! (That’s the theme from 70s TV show but I can’t place it.  Trust me.)

M:  Whole lotta Cold Stare.

R:  *Rocks to the happenin’ music*

M:  It’s casino night.

R:  They allow kids to gamble in school?  *Goes back to rockin out.*  Where’s our little friend Eric?
Can’t we go back to the good stuff, to people being happy not emo?  Seriously, get back in the place where they’re having fun.  I should have known they couldn’t keep it fun for too long.

R:  You’re just stuck in the moment.  Think about this?  You want to sparkle?

R:  It would be a long, long, long unhappy life, ‘cause they’re all angsty.

M:  More voice over.

R:   Seriously Bella’s head, shut up and go back to the fun. 

M:  Courtney Love Lives!

R & M:  And it’s over!

In conclusion: 

R:  Sparkle-pire is so bad it’s good.

M:  Can an angsty teenager and the emo undead find love in the pacific northwest?  Possibly, but at what price humanity?

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Bookbabble Episode 49: If It Were A Festival, There’d Be More Balloons

Oct 21, 2009 by

Bookbabble Episode 49: If It Were A Festival, There’d Be More Balloons 
Recorded 19 October 2009
Babblers: Bjorn, Lone, Donny

 

Synopsis:

A tight group this week, and we’re talking offensive literature.  Things that sets us off.  I suppose we weren’t surprised when the three of us shared the same view about things that offend us in literature, which isn’t what the topic itself would lead you to believe.  Also, problems with the Kindle International edition, NaNoWriMo, Google Wave and the call for the banning of fantasy movies in Malaysia, and Lamb in Vodka!

 

Show Length: 1:21:10 mins

 

Mentioned

 

Links

 

 

Note: Strong Language.

 

[audio:http://m.podshow.com/media/17719/episodes/192992/bookbabbletheshow-192992-10-20-2009.mp3]

 

Download the show here.

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Bookbabble Episode 39: There’s Gonna Be A Movie Based on The Asteroids Videogame!

Jul 24, 2009 by

Bookbabble Episode 39: There’s Gonna Be A Movie Based on The Asteroids Videogame!
Recorded 20 July 2009
Babblers: Renee, Lone, Lars, Donny

Synopsis:

The groups discusses books-related movies that either just opened or are around the corner.  We go off on a little tangent, as we usually do BB-style, as we uncover upcoming, jaw-dropping gems in the movie industry.

 

Show Length: 55:24 mins

Books/Movies Mentioned:

Links:

 

[audio:http://m.podshow.com/media/17719/episodes/166888/bookbabbletheshow-166888-07-24-2009.mp3]

Download the show here.

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Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes – Official Trailer

May 19, 2009 by

It has been too long, I must admit.  I apologize for that, and I shall make amends.  Starting with this piece of news that got me all sweaty-browed with anticipation: Sherlock Holmes is almost upon us.  The soon-to-be-released showpiece directed by Guy Ritchie stars Robert Downey Jr as the titular character, and Jude Law as Dr Watson.

When the news broke that this film was being made, I was ecstatic, then cautious.  Bob and Jude are hardly the Holmes and Watson of my memories.  However, as Hollywood is wont to do, what we know and love is ‘rebooted’, and made accessible to a more modern audience.

The bad news is the film isn’t out yet for me to pan or praise. The good news is the trailer is, indeed, out.

I’m undecided yet whether I like my Sherlock Holmes so James Bond-ish.

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